It's just the way I smile, you said.

Paper Bag

I'm finding it fairly hard to decipher the point of anything anymore. Get up, dress up, get down, dress down, play hard, work hard, live life to the fullest....blah blah tele-blah. It's like I'm listening to a CD on repeat...for a 21 year old I'm pretty fucking boring.

But when you make it, this thing we call life, interesting, you're ridiculed, judged, underestimated and told to be quiet. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Maybe it's because I'm so young. Maybe it's because there's a riot in my heart and no one wants to fuck it all up with me.

Maybe I'm just rambling.

But there appeared to be a dove of hope. Something for me to grab on to. An olive branch....something to distract me from...well, me. Why, you say? Well I'll tell you why, I've got an odd relationship with myself and if I can detach a bit from my brain....I'll go to great lengths at times to do so. Even if it is my greatest asset.

So I go out on Saturday nights and I live it up. Sometimes I meet some boys. Dance around like a fool. Scream when your favourite song comes on (I'm a fan of: "I LOOOOOVE this song!!") Maybe sneak a kiss, but not often. Make a fool of myself. Fall a bit. But have a good time. Sue me. I tell said boys what I did in college and the grades I got (note the impressed looks on faces of said boys) what I'm going to do, the two MAs that I'm about to undertake...and they lose interest. Why is it that even today girls are still fighting social stigmas? Why can't I have an honours degree and a highly ambitious career ahead of myself at 21 AND still be a girl? Does it make me less appealing? If anything it makes me highly fucking interesting, dedicated and driven.

I tried dumbing myself down once and I highly regretted it, more so than a lot of other crappy things. Why you ask, once again? Because I shouldn't have to dumb myself down so someone will be interested. Sorry to scare you boys...but this is me. And I'm not throwing it all away so you can have your masculine god-complex.

Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love. (Word, Fiona).

All your secret wishes could right now be coming true.

Summer's gone. It struggled here in our fair city...but I think it truly crapped out and abandoned us for warmer waters today. There's something about a change of season...you can feel it in your bones, coming about a mile off. Not that I mind, autumn and winter are pretty much my favourite time of year (the weather, my birthday...the clothes!!)

My point in discussing the change of season is that many a nostalgic note has been dragged up in my mind these past weeks, that are related to the time of year. Ever find yourself missing and reminiscing but you're not really sure why? Something you thought was dead and gone, well it keeps cropping back up when you least expect it, slinking like a cat on a garden wall, sliding in the window and curling up for sleep before you even realise it's on your pillow...yeah well, whatever, that's been happening to me. Lately I've been finding myself remembering and missing things that I thought I'd long since lost all feeling for. All good feeling at least.

With all this change I feel like I should finally be content, putting it all to bed, relaxing in myself and just growing up. But old habits die hard I guess. Maybe I'm just suffering a severe bout of culture shock.

Whatever it is, it'd wanna shift it's ass...pronto.

It's just a memory I can't love completely.

(Ph: Laura Torres Gandía via Feaverish Photography)

Funny how times goes, isn't it? Just this time last year I was living it up in Boston, wondering about the state of my life to be and now I'm back in the same place, living it down in Dublin. Although my life has taken a nice pattern so far, I just wish I had more excitement. Although maybe all this dreary drab is preparing me for a whirlwind two years to come (two MAs and another international move...)

Although I'm bored, I'm content, very deep down. As a person, I'm someone who likes to be always on the go, always all the time. But in comparison to how my life used to be, I'm happy. I'll accept this change of pace with open arms. I like to look back on memories and the way my life used to be and smile, but sometimes, with some things, it's just impossible to do so. It's impossible to say "You know, it was great I went through that...because look at me now!" I feel that way, but a lot of the time I just start to think "Yeah, that was great, I've got some life experience and all, learned a lot....but give me a fucking break!" I need a break. It's been almost 22 years of hazy days and only living to survive.

I'm ready to start living now.

Sunshine, Milkshakes and Tea.

Strawberries, laughing, tickles and company. Polka dots, vodka shots, ice cream and ribbons. Hair bands, chiffon, custard tarts and mending hearts. Riding a bike, salty chips at the beach, sending postcards and grazed knees. Chiffon, silk, pastels and water coloured clothes. Laughing so hard that milk comes out your nose (so you laugh even harder). Handwritten notes, school uniforms, lace, bows and ties. Newspaper cuttings, old books, libraries and earl grey tea. Vogue, Harper’s, Elle and Nylon. Nights out, high heels, red lipstick, friends and meals. Coffee, caffeine, chocolate and cake. Glitter, lace, leopard print, saving face. Books, BlackBerries, shopping trips and music. Rain clouds, messy nights, sugar highs and shocking heights. Hazy days, lie ins, retail jobs and something that's just a phase.

My summer, mostly, so far. Going well I do believe.

I don't want to be crippled-cracked. Shoulders, wrists, knees and back.

Back on the blogging scene with a bang! Expect another post later on detailing why I've been MIA.

However, while traipsing through the blog atmosphere, I stumbled across these little crackers from Akaya Nishi on notjustalabel.com. I'd love to get my hands on that ribcage necklace. Inspiration for my AW10 wardrobe!

Strange Fruit

I'm obsessed with this right now. They don't make talent like this anymore.

Things of Spring

Things of Spring by betweentwolungs featuring Mulberry bags

Items in this set:
Zanzibar Dress-Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes, $65
BL441 Coral Shoes, 95 GBP
Alexa leather bag, $1,150
Yves Saint Laurent Arty aventurine ring, $495
Aviator Large Metal RB3025 Sunglasses | Official Ray-Ban Site, $140

I need to keep this active. However, at the moment I'm drowning in a sea of exams and assignments. Damn it final year you just might be the death of me and my blog.

Press Play.

Pretty Girls Make Graves - The Get Away

She & Him - In the Sun

Laura Marling - Blackberry Stone

Fiona Apple - After You've Gone (Cover)

Babyshambles - La Belle et La Bête

The Flamingos - I Only Have Eyes For You

Nirvana - Drain You

Elliot Smith - Twilight

This has to be the most random playlist I've ever made. But I've been listening to these songs pretty much on repeat for the last week. Especially while getting ready to go anywhere/en route to my destination. So the dress up part is implied. I think it's a nice mixture of old and new though. Old more so. Happy bunny day!

Nauseous Capsules

I was just alerted to the presence of these little toxins via Cash Moni. I think I'm in love! These little babies are from Cast of Vices: "Born from a desire to create artifacts out of our vices, Cast of Vices celebrates the inherent design aesthetic of these substances while at the same time casting a critical eye on pop culture and our obsession with self-medication and addiction."

No prices unfortunately, just a little price on request bit. We all know that's never good for the wallet.

UPDATE: Cast of Vices can be bought online here. Prices range from $125-295. Unless you want the charm bracelet...

Playing with polaroids.

(Scarves by Phillipe Roucou)

I was just alerted to the presence of these amazing scarves via Daydream Lily. I'm particularly lusting after that aerial view city-scape scarf. The colours are luscious and would look great bunched up and worn long around the neck. They're a bit on the pricey side. Roughly €330. A girl can dream right? Sticking this on my wishlist with those Miu Miu mary janes from my previous post. Let's hope the scarves don't sell out like the shoes did though. Now that would be a travesty! The scarves can be found at Reborn.

Dressed Up Dreams

(Photos: Miu Miu website)

Miu Miu SS10 is my dream dress up scenario. If only my mother's closet was stocked to the brim with such jewels. With it's gorgeous spring time colours, quintessentially girlie prints and Marie Antoinette-esque jewelled detailing the collection has nailed dainty dressing down to a fine art. I especially love those swallow print mary-jane's. I think I could do my most fierce runway walk out of my closet in those bad boys.