I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me...

...so whoever you are, fuck off now, yeah? 

FUCK. OFF. 

Bye. 🙋

Wishlist

1. Every new colour in Chanel’s SS11 nail varnish collection.
2. About 3 Topshop dresses, 2 Lipsy dresses from work, and multiple items from River Island yes, I said River Island…)
3. A pair of prescription Chanel glasses. (#stylewhore)
4. White Keds and Cons.
5. A new Blackberry and a jelly case for it. Preferably in light purple.
6. Pastel nail varnish colours so my nails look like assorted flavours of sorbet.
7. Lipstick in every suitable shade.
8. Those Jeffrey Campbell….oh fuck it, every pair of shoes Jeffrey Campbell makes.
9. Black coated jeans (Topshop? Can you hear me?)
10. And about 50 things from ASOS. All of which will make me look like I’m 5 and about to skip off down a rabbit hole to wonderland, but fuckitidontcareillbealiceifiwanttoandthatsthatbitches.

I’d also like someone to fund all of this. Please and thanks.

It's just the way I smile, you said.

Paper Bag

I'm finding it fairly hard to decipher the point of anything anymore. Get up, dress up, get down, dress down, play hard, work hard, live life to the fullest....blah blah tele-blah. It's like I'm listening to a CD on repeat...for a 21 year old I'm pretty fucking boring.

But when you make it, this thing we call life, interesting, you're ridiculed, judged, underestimated and told to be quiet. Maybe it's because I'm a girl. Maybe it's because I'm so young. Maybe it's because there's a riot in my heart and no one wants to fuck it all up with me.

Maybe I'm just rambling.

But there appeared to be a dove of hope. Something for me to grab on to. An olive branch....something to distract me from...well, me. Why, you say? Well I'll tell you why, I've got an odd relationship with myself and if I can detach a bit from my brain....I'll go to great lengths at times to do so. Even if it is my greatest asset.

So I go out on Saturday nights and I live it up. Sometimes I meet some boys. Dance around like a fool. Scream when your favourite song comes on (I'm a fan of: "I LOOOOOVE this song!!") Maybe sneak a kiss, but not often. Make a fool of myself. Fall a bit. But have a good time. Sue me. I tell said boys what I did in college and the grades I got (note the impressed looks on faces of said boys) what I'm going to do, the two MAs that I'm about to undertake...and they lose interest. Why is it that even today girls are still fighting social stigmas? Why can't I have an honours degree and a highly ambitious career ahead of myself at 21 AND still be a girl? Does it make me less appealing? If anything it makes me highly fucking interesting, dedicated and driven.

I tried dumbing myself down once and I highly regretted it, more so than a lot of other crappy things. Why you ask, once again? Because I shouldn't have to dumb myself down so someone will be interested. Sorry to scare you boys...but this is me. And I'm not throwing it all away so you can have your masculine god-complex.

Hunger hurts, but starving works when it costs too much to love. (Word, Fiona).

All your secret wishes could right now be coming true.

Summer's gone. It struggled here in our fair city...but I think it truly crapped out and abandoned us for warmer waters today. There's something about a change of season...you can feel it in your bones, coming about a mile off. Not that I mind, autumn and winter are pretty much my favourite time of year (the weather, my birthday...the clothes!!)

My point in discussing the change of season is that many a nostalgic note has been dragged up in my mind these past weeks, that are related to the time of year. Ever find yourself missing and reminiscing but you're not really sure why? Something you thought was dead and gone, well it keeps cropping back up when you least expect it, slinking like a cat on a garden wall, sliding in the window and curling up for sleep before you even realise it's on your pillow...yeah well, whatever, that's been happening to me. Lately I've been finding myself remembering and missing things that I thought I'd long since lost all feeling for. All good feeling at least.

With all this change I feel like I should finally be content, putting it all to bed, relaxing in myself and just growing up. But old habits die hard I guess. Maybe I'm just suffering a severe bout of culture shock.

Whatever it is, it'd wanna shift it's ass...pronto.

It's just a memory I can't love completely.

(Ph: Laura Torres Gandía via Feaverish Photography)

Funny how times goes, isn't it? Just this time last year I was living it up in Boston, wondering about the state of my life to be and now I'm back in the same place, living it down in Dublin. Although my life has taken a nice pattern so far, I just wish I had more excitement. Although maybe all this dreary drab is preparing me for a whirlwind two years to come (two MAs and another international move...)

Although I'm bored, I'm content, very deep down. As a person, I'm someone who likes to be always on the go, always all the time. But in comparison to how my life used to be, I'm happy. I'll accept this change of pace with open arms. I like to look back on memories and the way my life used to be and smile, but sometimes, with some things, it's just impossible to do so. It's impossible to say "You know, it was great I went through that...because look at me now!" I feel that way, but a lot of the time I just start to think "Yeah, that was great, I've got some life experience and all, learned a lot....but give me a fucking break!" I need a break. It's been almost 22 years of hazy days and only living to survive.

I'm ready to start living now.

Sunshine, Milkshakes and Tea.

Strawberries, laughing, tickles and company. Polka dots, vodka shots, ice cream and ribbons. Hair bands, chiffon, custard tarts and mending hearts. Riding a bike, salty chips at the beach, sending postcards and grazed knees. Chiffon, silk, pastels and water coloured clothes. Laughing so hard that milk comes out your nose (so you laugh even harder). Handwritten notes, school uniforms, lace, bows and ties. Newspaper cuttings, old books, libraries and earl grey tea. Vogue, Harper’s, Elle and Nylon. Nights out, high heels, red lipstick, friends and meals. Coffee, caffeine, chocolate and cake. Glitter, lace, leopard print, saving face. Books, BlackBerries, shopping trips and music. Rain clouds, messy nights, sugar highs and shocking heights. Hazy days, lie ins, retail jobs and something that's just a phase.

My summer, mostly, so far. Going well I do believe.

I don't want to be crippled-cracked. Shoulders, wrists, knees and back.

Back on the blogging scene with a bang! Expect another post later on detailing why I've been MIA.

However, while traipsing through the blog atmosphere, I stumbled across these little crackers from Akaya Nishi on notjustalabel.com. I'd love to get my hands on that ribcage necklace. Inspiration for my AW10 wardrobe!

Strange Fruit

I'm obsessed with this right now. They don't make talent like this anymore.

Things of Spring

Things of Spring by betweentwolungs featuring Mulberry bags

Items in this set:
Zanzibar Dress-Mod Retro Indie Clothing & Vintage Clothes, $65
BL441 Coral Shoes, 95 GBP
Alexa leather bag, $1,150
Yves Saint Laurent Arty aventurine ring, $495
Aviator Large Metal RB3025 Sunglasses | Official Ray-Ban Site, $140

I need to keep this active. However, at the moment I'm drowning in a sea of exams and assignments. Damn it final year you just might be the death of me and my blog.